The Ying and Yang of wine drinking: persuasion or perversion?

An invitation had been issued for dinner at a friend’s house in order to meet her new boyfriend, and as a born-again greedy I had no hesitation in accepting. I whipped myself off to Morrisons to grab two bottles of chilled Taittinger that were on offer; a feisty choice I thought.

I arrived, was warmly greeted, and placed ONE chilled bottle on the coffee table. I was told that we would be having Rum and Coke as an aperitif, fine I thought, when in Rome and all that. I had no idea that the warming pint of weak beverage was to last the night through. Normally I would have been jokey and popped the Champagne straight away but for some reason I felt like I would be intruding.

I then sat through a most perverted food mix of red onion, garlic, seafood and melon cups (with added dressing) followed by fish/chicken avocado-coloured non-seasoned curry type thing. The pinnacle of the evening was an hour long rendition of show tunes played on an electric organ, mind-numbingly listened to, whilst watching the precipitating beads run down the table-top Champagne.

Not a culinary highlight I had to admit, but ho hum, I decided I would at least have a good drink and then make my excuses. The desiccated limes in my pint bobbing about like un-well slugs were not a sufficient enough hint for another drink. I had to take matters in to my own hands; after half an hour of talking about wine there was still no promise, it was only eventually when I insisted on looking at their NEW Champagne flutes that the penny dropped and the bottle popped.

Warm Taittinger with a lingering onion and seafood flavour was not one of my finest wine moments I had to admit, so I left to drink the other bottle with some other pals. The next morning I woke to a guilty dawning at my utter rudeness. I simply put my friendship behind that of wine and food. A shocking but sobering revelation that intrigued me. When did wine become that important to me? I guessed about three years earlier. I am still unsure whether I handled the situation correctly, I doubt it, maybe I shall find out at the wedding, or maybe not after reading this.

I am curious about wine etiquette amongst wine drinkers with regard to their friends, loved ones, co-workers and families. How do you ensure that you can drink something tasty at all times, or is that simply not possible? I surveyed wine drinkers, Sommeliers, wine industry workers and wine enthusiasts for the following reasons 1) I hoped never to be that rude again and 2) I REALLY hate drinking something tasteless and want to avoid it at all costs.
Here is what they said....

Q1: You go to someone’s for dinner, you know they drink “bad” wine. How do you ensure that at least you drink the bottle you have brought? What if they put your N.Z. Pinot/Gassac straight in the rack by the cooker?

All answers talked about manners and etiquette and fundamentally questioned the relationship with that person. If you do not know them well, unanimously the answer was to give the wine as a gift. You are there as a guest and so behave appropriately.

If however the hosts are close friends then being downright cheeky seemed a fair cop. Offering to help with the wine glasses and therefore the wine was a good suggestion; you will soon see whether this is appropriate. Bringing the wine open to “let it breathe” or “checking it was not corked” may be a push- but polite persuasion seemed to be the best tactic.

• Enthuse about wanting to try the wine with the host, proffer it as something that you have been saving to try with someone special, or lead the conversation to this “interesting wine” that you have brought and that you would love to try.

• Food combination: ring ahead and find out what sort of wine would go with dinner; thoughtful and more likely that it will be opened.

• Bring two bottles: hand one out as a gift and put one on the table to drink.

• Say, "This one is drinking well NOW!" emphasis on the now.

• Bring a white or bubbly CHILLED. Say that it is just to get us started.

Most surveyed also warned that you must be prepared for the whites to be forgotten in the fridge and for ANYTHING brought, to be seen as a gift. Many said it would be useful to "get it in to your head whether it is a wine night or a friend night," and to not put too much emphasis on what you are drinking. This is a great sentiment but almost impossible for me to achieve. I think I prefer the persuasive technique.

My favourite response was to bribe a family member to specifically ask for your wine over dinner. I will definitely try that one! Another tip is to take note if they squirrel away a good bottle and not to bring something so tasty next time.

Q2: If they are coming to you, how do you persuade them to bring something decent? Or not bother?

Again food matches were a common thought but be aware of prices, asking someone to being a Champagne is unacceptable yet gentle guidelines of good value food friendly wines are certainly acceptable, Spanish red or Chilean Merlot, whatever you think is a good wine.

It is important not to intimidate, particularly if they know you are a wine fan. You must not forget that wine might not hold as much significance to them as it does to you. Above all, be gracious and accept the gift. If they particularly enjoy the wine they brought, maybe top their glass up generously with it.

One response suggested pouring yourself another glass of the same colour wine from the kitchen. Sly but effective. A favourite comment was that a dinner party is about having a good time, a good-time Hardy or a good-time Grange. If you try stuff professionally, then just have fun. Obviously do not spend a fortune if your guest does not appreciate it as much as yourself. Wise words.

Q3: Ever hidden a bottle at the foot of the table between you and a pal?

Half said never and half said all the time.


Q4: You are in a restaurant and there are 15 of you, all but yourself are fine with the house wine, and you have already agreed to split the bill, what do you drink without making a scene?

This is apparently a simple one:-

• Drink beer
• Drink the house wine and don’t make a fuss
• Organise the restaurant yourself and go to a BYOB restaurant
• Pick something and pay for it upfront

Q5: You are on a date at a B.Y.O.B. restaurant and you have brought a bottle along that you have been saving and your date keeps topping up their glass and drinking at 10 times the speed of yourself. NO chat about the wine. Do you sit and take it or pour yourself a pint of it? Does it depend how good-looking they are?

Best answers so far,were a complete split. Some say if the date were super cute then they could have what they wanted. Some even suggested helping him/her along with their quest as it would make the transition back to their place a bit easier! One did suggest that, "All would be good on the date, " but with “behaviour like that, s/he would NOT be getting breakfast.”

Others of course thought that it was completely superficial and it made no difference how the date looked. They would lead the conversation towards the wine. Isn’t dating about getting to know each others likes and dislikes? Others suggested that bringing overtly fancy wines on a first date would be snobbish and arrogant. Or bring a decoy bottle! Unsure what that means, but assume it is a bottle to get your date buttered up before the “real” wine. Another hint is to get a glass of wine from the list and check the speed of the date’s drinking, and then fill your glass up appropriately.

Q6: Xmas, you have brought 6 bottles for 2 days, but because your family and friends know the wine is good, they just glug it down and leave you with their crap. How do you handle the situation? Mulled wine and Scotch?

Most people ranted on about Christmas being about friends and family and spending time together. Call me cynical but I thought it was about fighting, booze and indigestion? Or is that just in the North?

A common experience has been family members drinking the expensive wine for the sake of it and relishing telling people they don’t care about wine. I was right, festive arguments! Told you so! Some said it would be a schoolboy error to bring 6 bottles of good stuff, and that just 2 would do and then 4 gluggers. Everyone seemed to share the sentiment that you should separate the special bottles from the easy-drinkers. Sensible I suppose.

Others said that they would bring wine that the host would enjoy and then drink something that they would prefer when they returned home. How very big of you. Others would prefer to stick to spirits just to get those arguments going. Pictionary, whisky and brussel sprouts; a combination to avoid.

Q7: Does being polite leave you substantially out of pocket or do you simply only share nice wine with wine people?

Most agreed that this was getting to the issue. There is being polite and there is being un-wise; drink good wine with people who would appreciate it. Some said having a “house wine” of high quality and low cost; a wine that you do not mind sloshing out to guests yet also drinking yourself. Almost everyone agreed that at some point or another they are left out of pocket, but said that is the "nature of wine sharing" and that we should just count our blessings that the wine is so good nowadays.

So the crux of the issue is to: know your audience and have some back-up safe bets; that you are willing to drink, gin and tonic, beer, or just have the foresight to control the wine situation. This is the Ying and Yang of wine sharing. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. Isn’t that what knowing about wine is all about? Being able to pick wine appropriate for the situation?. Whatever your tact, good luck and I hope it is tasty!


Hope this has been helpful.


Bon aperitif